Are you postponing feeling good?

Not too long ago, I had the realization that if something exciting or good was about to happen or was on the horizon, I would tone down the associated good feelings just in case it didn’t work out.

Why would we postpone feeling good?

I discovered that I had been protecting myself from disappointment. Like pretty much any human being, I’ve felt disappointed countless times and at a certain point, I guess part of me just decided it hurt too much. A protective mechanism inadvertently got installed that suppressed my initial good feelings so that I wouldn’t feel too disappointed if things didn’t pan out. 

Can you see the flaws in this approach? They became glaringly obvious to me.  

Flaw #1

We can get into the habit of suppressing feeling joy, anticipation, excitement, hope, delight and all the other great vibrations we want to experience more often. It doesn’t make much sense to tamp down feeling awesome for fear of not feeling awesome later, right? Oh man, the mind can really make up some silly stuff.

Feeling the great feelings is a version of being present. If you’re feeling excited about a possibility then you want to be fully present with the feelings that are showing up. It doesn’t even make sense to say, “Excitement, get out of here! If it doesn’t work out, I won’t feel you later so I’m not going to feel you now!” But that’s what the mind does. (How adorable…)

If you want to feel good more often, you have to allow yourself to feel good in the moment. If we consistently suppress feeling good, we won’t even know how to feel good when good shows up. If you’ve been feeling a pervasive sense of neutral or even numb, this habit of suppressing the good might be the issue. 

Flaw #2

We are big beings who can handle disappointment, especially if we love the part of us that feels disappointed when it shows up. 

I like to say something like, “Part of me that feels disappointed right now, thank you for getting my attention. I accept that you’re here and I love you because I’m practicing loving all the parts of myself unconditionally.”

When you do that practice with any part of you that shows up, especially the parts that feel unloveable, they get acknowledged and subsequently soften. Those parts no longer need your attention in such a big way because you’ve poured in some love. 

Flaw #3

I noticed that even deeper than the feeling of disappointment was fear. The fear of feeling disappointed was running the show without my awareness.

We don’t need to be afraid of feeling any uncomfortable emotions. They are all just energy moving through. When we resist them, that’s when the real problems start because what we resist persists. 

We can do the same thing with the fear as with the disappointment - love it. 

A Story to Anchor In 

A great example from many years ago comes to mind. When my daughter, Zoe, was 5, she had a series of auditions for a lead role in a major movie. We even drove across the city in a blizzard to get to one of the callbacks. 

Then a few days later, we got a phone call saying that she had got the role. It was one of the most celebratory and thrilling moments of my life. Zoe was so happy that she jumped up and down and screamed. We all hugged, cried and kept saying things like, “Oh my gosh!!!” 

Oakley, our son, who was 2 at the time, didn’t know what was going on but he sure felt the energy. He just kept running into our legs, falling down, getting up and doing it again. It was wonderful.

Then, a few weeks later, as filming was about to start, we found out that the company producing the movie had run out of funding and fled town. It was devastating. Zoe didn’t really get it because she was 5 but I felt enough disappointment for the both of us. It was very painful.  

Now, though, with perspective, reflection and time, I realize that that’s exactly how I want to show up. The day we got the good news was one of the best days of my life. If I would have suppressed those magnificent feelings, it would have been just another day. 

Yes, the disappointment and devastation were intense (because at the time, I didn’t know how to love into them and I did a lot of resisting) but we got through it. I wouldn’t trade not having that wonderful expansion on the day of the exciting news for feeling less disappointed. 

I’ve used that experience as a reminder many times. I would rather feel the big good feelings no matter what may or may not happen down the road. I’m not willing to postpone my happiness anymore. I’m prioritizing feeling what’s present when it shows up without judging it or making uninformed plans for how I may or many not feel in the future. 

I’ve even been practicing sharing those big wonderful feelings with others and I can tell you that life is far more interesting, connecting and delightful. 

Perhaps you’d like to do some self inquiry too. 

Are you postponing feeling good for fear of things not turning out the way you hope? If yes, there’s an invitation to go more with flow and be present with what’s showing up. If disappointment appears, love it. You’re a big being, too, and you can handle the full range of emotions. 

In fact, feeling the full spectrum is what makes life rich and expansive. It’s also how we grow, which is what we desire more than anything. 

With great love and huge courage,

Christina

>Creator of Courageous Self-Care

>feeling bittersweet about the end of August (goodbye summer but hello time to myself!)

>experiencing unusual zest for early morning walks 

PS - Save the date for the September 9D Breathwork Session: Transcending Fear. It’s epic. Choose from Monday September 23 and Saturday September 29. If you know you’re in, click here to register

PPS - We're doing another remote healing open house. Click here to register for the Sept 17 healing session. Replay will be available for 48 if you can't attend live. You'll leave the session feeling relaxed, calm, peaceful and connected.

With Back to School vibes in the air, I thought I would share with you one of the best organizational tips I’ve ever experienced:

Get one journal and use it for everything

I used to make notes and write reminders on post it notes, scraps of paper and notepads. It chaos, I tell you… chaos.

Then I heard the tip of one journal from somewhere and decided to try it. It worked so well!

Now I put everything into the journal: daily wins and gratitudes, ideas, notes from courses, to do’s and brain dumps. It all goes in the one journal. 

It’s streamlined, simple and efficient. The only other book I use simultaneously is my planner. That’s it! 

No more losing post it notes, accidentally recycling things or drowning in a sea of scrap paper. It’s just me, my beloved planner and my pretty journal. Three cheers for ease!

I learned of Lord Huron from my kids. Their sound is gorgeous. Here’s the description of their music from iTunes: It brings to mind desert sunsets, snow-capped mountains, and two-lane roads cutting through the Midwestern plains. 

Delicious, right?

Their song The Night We Met is kind of haunting and a bit heartbreaking - a great combo. It’s also really beautiful. 

Should you like to have a listen, copy and paste Lord Huron The Night We Met into your favourite browser or streaming service and have yourself a little slow dance moment.